Day 2 : Trauma

 They say journaling helps. So here i am again. 

Last night was a torture, feeling insecure at my own house. Insecure , unsafe. 

Friends were checking on me, ensuring my safety. Ensuring i stay sane, full stomach, and safe. But truly, nothing could ease me off. 

I watched Bride Wars, trying to distract this messy thoughts, messy hearts. It succeeded for a while, only for that 1 hour. 

And my mind went back to being the state of disappointment.

Physical abuse, really affect one's life. I lost myself, i lost the trust, i cut the connection, i wander around for security and shelter. 

The place and the person that supposed to be "home" ended up being a "jail" for me. 

What is love?

“…. Daun yang jatuh tak pernah membenci angin…. Dia membiarkan dirinya jatuh begitu saja. Tak melawan. Mengikhlaskan semuanya….” 

Again, the one that held me up is the one who crushed me down. 

What is love?

Tidur yang nyaman. Listening to NB cheeky songs does soothe my achy heart, and i dozed off. Was awake in the middle of the night cause of Arrian. 

How i wish i can have longer hours to sleep, or reversed time, or even not being awake at all. 

Please unbreak my heart. 

7th Oct 2023,Patah Hati